i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
