My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
