hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's rum buckets o'clock
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
