I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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