I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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