Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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