Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
