Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
