Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
