Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize