What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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