last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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