Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize