they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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