i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
