They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
