Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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