We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize