I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
