I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
