I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
