I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
