This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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