so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
