Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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