I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
