Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
