You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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