Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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