what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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