You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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