She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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