I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
