Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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