I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
