dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
