It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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