You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize