i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize