He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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