my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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