Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So squirting runs in the family.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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