He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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