..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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