i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
