I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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