Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
