Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
