theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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