So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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