Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im holly from the hills drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
