you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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