My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
