how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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