First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
