Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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