I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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