i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
