great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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