So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
