What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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