Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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