Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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