are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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