we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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