So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
