she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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