Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
