I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
