Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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